The Solomon Factor

Ain’t Misbehavin’…… Oh, yes you are!

We can be an embarrassing lot, us Americans. We confuse sex with intimacy, romance with relationship, lies with leadership and democracy with….. well that’s for another blog.

I have a fierce love and loyalty for my country. I have a loathing for the scandals that now occur more than once in a while. While I’m in no way naïve to the ways of the world, I am angry about the price I am forced to pay when someone in office can’t keep his pants on, his hands out of the till, or his vote where his voice is.

What was Edwards thinking? You want to have an affair, you want to cheat on your wife of 30 years, you want to ruin the political career you’ve spent half your life building, you want to humiliate everyone you say you love…. well, as they say, it’s your life. And while all that is certainly your prerogative, my professional opinion would be for you to get yourself into counseling right away. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00…. high tail it to the nearest psychotherapist before your ego obliterates the rest of your life (and ours, I might add).

It is tragic that Elizabeth has incurable cancer. Having lost many close relatives and friends to cancer, my heart and prayers go out to both her and her loved ones. That she is terminally ill, is sad beyond words. That the depth of his bad behavior is measured by the timing of her diagnosis and illness is pathetic.

She’s sick. He had an affair. Neither have anything to do with one another. Affairs are not about sex. Affairs are about power, or lack thereof. By indulging his whim and ego in the former, he abused and misused the latter. Unforgiveable.

Home-Grown Leadership

Somewhere along the parenting path I picked up the idea to ask my children two specific questions every night as I was tucking them in:
1. What was the most fun for you today?
2. What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?

The intention behind the questions was for them to remind themselves about at least one joy in their day, regardless of the way the rest of the day went. I wanted them to learn to focus on the positive. The first question set them up for the second, and their expectation became: I am going to have fun tomorrow. And guess what happened? That’s right….. the next day they could recall more than one fun thing that had happened.

Duh! After four years of doing this, it finally occurred to me to drink my own Kool Aid. So as I tucked myself in every night, I began to ask myself those same two questions. What happened? You guessed it! My focus changed, literally overnight. I began to look for the fun knowing that I had to report back to myself at nighty-nite time. My (unconscious) focus became ‘fun’. My expectation became ‘fun’. I began to look for ways to have even more fun, because I am very competitive—especially with myself.

My daughter has been our family’s CFO since the day she was born—Chief Fun Officer. This joy of my life can make any, and I mean any, activity more fun. It’s her nature. It’s not mine, though, so I have to work at it. I don’t really mind: It gives my little girl a place where she can lead and I can follow. The outcome? More fun.

TRY THIS AT HOME.

THE CONTRACT: When to Bill it? When to Bite it?

Recently I had, shall we say, a ‘difference of opinion’ with my satellite television company (the one I won’t mention by name because my attorney warned me not to). Although I had a legitimate reason for canceling my service, they were unwilling to adjust or waive the $300 cancellation fee.

Which brings me to a rant—Cable companies (or internet or cell phone or fill in the blank) who require you to:
A. Hand over your first born child or $300 in the event that you want to cancel your two year contract with them (regardless of why, including their lousy service and really bad attitude); and
B. Read a 4 page contract in 3 pt font that no one, in the entire universe, reads from start to finish (except the customer service rep who swore he does).

I don’t know about you, but I do not respond well to situations in which I haven’t any choices. Given the fact that I must use one of these companies if I actually want to watch the television, I am incensed that they offer zero flexibility in their policies. These airtight contracts are one way for companies to keep you in their grip, and away from their competition. I understand their desire to lock in as much business as they can. But, ultimately, it is we consumers who are paying the price (literally and figuratively) for the ongoing struggle over market share that they have with their competition.

May I naively suggest that if they had outstanding customer service, there likely wouldn’t be much competition?

Taking the Lead During Crisis: Great Leaders Must Think About What They Think

Everyone needs to just calm down! You have probably noticed that, as a country, we are collectively spiraling into an emotional depression. You have probably noticed that we are simultaneously working our way into hysteria, each day’s fear mounted on the back of yesterday’s. This, of course, generates even more fear that, guess what, breeds more of the same. The result? We are perpetuating the very conditions that frighten us the most, the ones that we say we want resolved.

I am NOT suggesting that the state of our economy or the political disaster in the White House or global aggression, for that matter, are not problems of epic proportion. What I am asking you to consider is who you are in the midst of all of these crises.

We get what we focus on. There is not enough room on this page to cite all the research that tells us this is so. If we are sitting around masticating the issues day after day saying to ourselves, and to those who will listen, “Things sure are bad around here,” then we are perpetuating the cycle, not changing it. If, however, we’re discussing the state of the world with the intention of doing our part to resolve the situation then this, of course, is quite another thing: It's called leadership.

Do not, for a moment, mistake changing our focus with denial or avoidance. Denial basically says, “We don’t have a problem” while avoidance says, “We have a problem and you can deal with it, I’m outta here.” What can you do? Think different.

 

The Age of Happiness

Today I learned that the publishing industry has decided that the market is glutted with books on happiness. Hmm, given the current state of affairs on Earth, I personally think that there are no amount of books on happiness that would be too many. But, then again, I’m in the business of coaching people to happiness, so I may be more than a bit biased.

I did a quick search on Amazon. com which revealed that there are about 474K titles with the word ‘happy’ in them, while there are about half that many with the word ‘depression’ in them. This makes complete sense when you stop to think of how few people would be willing to be found on the stair-stepper at the gym, on the bus, or in the employee lounge reading a book whose title confesses to the world they have an interest in depression.

Just a few months ago, the University of Chicago completed one of the most thorough studies on happinessever done in the United States. The study examined happiness across age and racial groups and concluded that Americans grow happier as they grow older: As we age we grow more content, and although we have more health problems, we have far fewer difficulties overall. Not surprisingly, the baby boomer generation was the least happy of all groups surveyed (more on that in another post).

Price vs. Values: What Does Your Integrity Cost You?

I was trained in the school of “what goes around comes around” or, in the vernacular of the moment, “The Law of Attraction.” It‘s a philosophy that has always worked for me in my personal and professional life, and it is one that I share with my coaching clients, during keynotes and just about any other time I have the opportunity to be with people.

That said, this evening I was standing in the merchandise return line at my local Costco (I just love that store) when I overheard this conversation between a customer and the service representative behind the counter.

SR: So you’d like to return this 60” TV?
Customer: Yes
SR: Do you have your receipt?
C: No
SR: When did you buy it?
C: Three years ago.
SR: Three years ago? And why are returning it? Is there something wrong with it?
C: No: I want to trade up. I want the 67” TV.
SR: Our policy to return electronics is 90 days.
C: Well that wasn’t the policy when I bought it three years ago.
SR: Sir, this is absolutely the only time you will be able to make this kind of return? Is that understood?
C: Yes.
SR: What charge card would you like us to credit?

I stood there with my mouth open and my mind in rabble-rouser mode. This customer didn’t even have the manners to say “Thank You,” and the Costco employee was as pleasant as could be. Could I read the speech bubble over this employee’s head? No, because the one ranting over my head drowned out his.

The Price of Passion

Just about a year ago I wrote a blog called When Career Love Clashes With Someone Else’s View for Motto Magazine. I related how I’d invested some time with an expert market strategist who’d cautioned me not to target my business toward a female market. In short, she felt that marketing myself as a woman who speaks to women and about women, would be the financial kiss of death. “They don’t pay women speakers.” Well, I told you I’d keep you posted. I’m back to gloat, I mean report.

First, let me say that this woman is a genius at her job— pure gold in her industry. Her market predictions are brilliantly accurate. At the time her challenge to me, (which oddly sounded likely a demand to choose between my passion and profit), both scared the pants off me and royally pissed me off. Choose? I had to choose! I don’t think so.

So I went about my business, vigorously pursued my passion, banked the profit, and here we are today. Now the beauty of this thing is that she did me a colossal favor. Intuitively, I knew this at the time. So I gave myself the space to sift through the debris that accumulated as the war between my devotion to my passion and my commitment to the profit ensued. I wanted both. I wanted the AND. Here’s what happened.

Calling For Manners

First I left a voice mail, then an email a few days later, and then another voice mail. And so it went for three weeks while one of my major (and, dare I say, favorite) clients, failed to respond to an increasingly urgent request to connect. Did I mention that she actually needed to have contact with me?

We’d previously danced this dance and, upon finally reaching her, I’d said, “Hi! It’s your favorite stalker.” We shared a long laugh and she’d thanked me for my persistent follow up, while apologizing for her poor performance in the same area. I thought we came to an understanding about my need to communicate more efficiently (after all, if she didn’t have time to get back to me once, what made her think that I had time to initiate contact five times?) Obviously we didn’t. And since, bottom line, she’s the client, I wasn’t in a position to push too hard on the accountability button (although, admittedly I pressed well beyond her comfort zone).

So I’ve been pondering – what the heck is going on with our business etiquette these days? Or is that an oxymoron? In all fairness to my client, she’s not alone. I, for one, have difficulty responding daily to the people I want to hear from, let alone managing all the unsolicited correspondence. Daily, I hear people complain about unanswered voice mails, spam and unopened letters. Obviously, good solid communication is at a record low, despite the fact that the sale of communication devices is at a record high.

A Hard Pill to Swallow?

Today my nine-year-old daughter made her first attempt at swallowing a ‘grown up’ pill. The sting that sealed her eye shut necessitated the antibiotic, and she swore she was old enough to give up liquid ‘baby medicine.’ She and I had an orientation of sorts—me giving her step-by-step instructions on how to effortlessly swallow a pill.

Before she even attempted this ‘first’, she began to seriously fuss, whine and whimper as she whipped herself up into quite the state. Her mantra was “I can’t do this!” “It’s too hard!” “I changed my mind.” “I’m going to choke to death!” Pill on tongue, water glass in hand, she cried and tantrum-ed and, predictably, had one hell of a time actually getting the pill down her throat. Okay, so it was a parenting nightmare.

Watching her, I kept thinking that it would have been so easy had she just taken a deep centering breath, followed my instructions, trusted her ability to handle it, and assumed it would be effortless.

Wait just a minute. Did I just think that? Mid-slurp I realized that my precious daughter was mirroring my struggle with my yet to be completed book. Who was the teacher?

The Great Debate

All this talk about happiness and passion and purpose got me to thinking about what would happen if we fought for our bigness with the same gusto that we argued for our smallness.

I mean what would our lives truly look like if we all reached that potential we’re always talking about? If we climbed that mountain, or wrote that poem, or started that business, or made that contribution, or dared to sit still for a moment with the only goal being not to accomplish one damn thing?

What would happen if we simply changed our attitude from what’s wrong with us to what’s right with us?

Would the world disintegrate if we saw joy in all things? If we focused on what we’d already done instead of what we haven’t? If the only thoughts we believed about ourselves were the ones about our strength, our resilience, our tenacity, our courage and our capacity for love?

I’ve been wondering what it would take, what changes we would need to make, in order to view our lives through the lens of personal greatness— not as an occasional exception but as a rock solid rule? What if we stopped believing everything we think: If we set our thought filter to allow only encouragement, love and support to seep through?

So I’m trying this experiment…. Anyone care to join me?